A Girl's True Love

This is a poem I wrote a long time ago for my best friend.

A Girl’s True Love

Dedicated to Krystal Saint James

By Victoria Wolfgang

A longing for closeness in everyone thrives

And most commonly mistake the filler.

Solemness of lonely pierces like knives

When one’s view is but one in the mirror.

However, luck seemed to shine upon me

When by chance I uncovered an answer

An unexpected friendship came to be

We laughed, matured, all the while together.

Seeking soul’s Companion? Unrealistic.

Someone to love forever? A true friend.

While he’s just passing through you heart, she’ll stick

She’s a crying shoulder there for your mend

And looking back, you know she never left,

Was the one to steal your heart not in theft,

But in FRIENDSHIP.

Trust

"Trust"

How dare you preach about trust

"Its so misleading. Its so hard to find."

When you yourself gave in to lust

and sacrificed the one girl's heart who had been nothing but kind

She alone loved you unconditionally

In her eyes there was no other man

And you let her fall carelessly

To woo a few adoring fans

You told her how you'd been hurt, battered and bruised

And she made the most valiant attempt to reassure you

So naturally she was dumbfounded when the tables were turned

And the time came for her to have her own heart burned

A whole right through the center where a fortress once stood

But she built the wall back up much swifter

Then you would have ever dreamed she could

Sound the Alarm for Someone in Need

This is a poem I dedicate to a sweet boy that I knew back in middle school. He committed suicide a few years back because he was bullied horribly in high school. The night of the funeral so many people showed up to pay their respects that everyone couldn't fit inside the church. Rest in Peace.

“Sound the Alarm for Someone in Need”

Has simply being kind to one another become such a drudgery task?

I ponder this grievous question so often; I feel the need to ask

Why friendships and civility have become something to feign

And people seem to really not comprehend the magnitude of pain

That harsh words and snide comments can inflict

Upon an ego, a person’s heart that is already terribly sick

You never really can tell the hardships any one person could bear

So I ask you once again, Why Wouldn’t you treat them fair?

How have they wronged you?  What ever have they done?

That has impelled you to taunt, and see treating them wrongly as fun

What do you get out of this, a laugh, an expedient way out?

Instead of behaving generously, and choosing a more difficult route

Surely you were raised better, Go hang your head in shame

If all the while you’ve been so mean, to achieve a little more fame

And aren’t we just as much to blame, for so long have we let this go

With eyes not so blind as biased, and hearts oh so shallow

To refrain from stepping in for someone who has done no one harm

To sit by aimlessly and watch, instead of sounding the alarm

The Monster Inside

"The Monster Inside"

The monster inside has long been dormant and sleeping
Since back when its vessel was of a flimsy, weak innocence
But out of unplanned and unlucky circumstances, the monster is awake and creeping
A creature that feeds on anxiety and fear, whose only goal is malevolence
It whispers glorious, astounding, terrible thoughts into her ear
And shows itself to outsiders so rarely that they never speculate it’s there
Things she never thought herself capable of, acts she could never even fathom,
Replay over in her mind, at every blink of an eye, at every rest of her head
She feels so betrayed, abandoned, and trapped by her lonesome
And the monster has blurred her vision red
By taking advantage of her loving intentions
It has become the most dangerous type of  monster
And though she’s sure these persistent thoughts will never lead to actions,
She too, is unaware of the monster’s increasing power
Just when she thought that perhaps she could escape its will
It captures the parasite eating away at her guts,
And uses this as fuel to reside inside a little longer still
It croons that it means her well, that it alone can keep her dark secrets
It tells her that everything will be ok, and that’s all she ever wanted
The voice speaks from her mind, from within the seemingly gentle breeze
A vulgar sound murmuring lies, that eat away at her like acid
And grow stronger with every vague reminder that she sees
This monster cannot be banished nor tamed
It is not a creature that ever simply goes away
And those who give it home are doomed to be shamed
For it is a part of who they are, and it will always stay
It is not a hopeless battle
But it is an eternal one
Fighting back is never futile
But can she see that on her own?

(I've started pairing my poems with some of the various photography and modeling  pictures I have, just to kind of incorporate some of my other creative outlets on this blog along with poetry)

Dooming her Heart

This is a story about something that happened a long time ago, something that I have been unable to get out of my mind lately...

"Dooming her Heart"

She knew what she was getting herself into

Even after all that he had put her heart through

The petty mind games and the pain,

The inconceivable chains that held her to him

And the struggle to free herself; a strain

She lied to herself time and time again

That she was over her infatuation, merely wanting to be friends

But when his presence was near

Her heart no doubt beat more rapidly out of fear

Fear of a reunion that she knew would take her back

Returning to a time when the power to say no was one she lacked

Not out of a pressure or influence unto her state of mind,

But out of her own decision to love him and remain blind

Undiscerning to the facts she knew well about his nature

His recurring past wouldn’t be one, even now, to falter

Although he promised, crooned and boasted

Of his infallible dedication, that which she once believed she had

His intentions meant well, even at the end of their first relation

And the actuality of his bemusement lied in this love-sick nation

So in giving him this reprieve; this second chance

She hoped she wasn’t dooming her heart

When the mans predictability was a clear science

One that hadn’t changed her feelings for him, not even from the start

And he’s telling her now that he cares

That their separation of the past was a decision he made scared

Scared of pillaging her innocence

An act of his that left her bitter with a vengeance

Was proving to her now, a fact of which she was already aware

That the boy she found such fascination with had a conscience so fair

Although cliché, she loved everything about him, even the things she hated

His beauty was something simple, but was particular to her tastes and tempted

An uncharacteristic reaction out of her that no other could induce

He was one to always tell the truth, the boy who with one breath could seduce

She loved his enthusiasm for anatomy, especially her own

She loved his goodnights every night on the phone

And when he dared to call her his baby, like he used to all those months before

Her heart skipped a beat and she had to catch her wind

With a warning that at any instant he could leave her alone again to walk out the door

But he was charming and he was handsome

He was humble, so clever, and polite

He held such intelligence within, and a humor that always inspired her to write

She even liked his bad boy appeal

Appeasing the rebellion inside her that previously she’d tried to seal

He had a voice that soothed her ears, and a touch so gentle and soft

But also the fortitude and brawn to protect her

Sending her inhibitions far and her spirits aloft

Within his arms, she felt safe and whenever his company was nearby

And all of this is what kept her up late at night when she needed shuteye

His jeep, his bike, his drumming, and Mac-n-cheese were bonuses sure nice

But what captivated her most was his beautiful changing eyes

She’d forget the power they held until he’d catch her off guard in a stare

An enchanting trap unconsciously set to ensnare

And it was during one of these such instances when she was tangled up

That he told her what she had heard, and wanted so desperately to believe last time

The promise that he would stick around, but she could never take his word as a sure sign

All that could prove it to her now was the passing of time, a fact he knew and stated

A fact that meant uncertainty, stress, and waiting, one she detested and hated

But not a fact that could relinquish her single-minded devotion

Towards this boy who so effortlessly had her heart stolen

And with the anxiety of his possible retreat looming

She made a choice not so rational in respect to her dooming

Kissing Demise

This is one of my shortest poems. I figured since Halloween is coming up in a few days I might as well be festive. It basically references a particular monster. You should be able to figure out which kind by the end ;] hehe. But it is also a metaphor for a real life situation/relationship. 

“Kissing Demise”

In looming darkness she seeks

Unknowingly pursued by shadow’s hunger

Plunged into condemned embrace when he speaks

And she’s mesmerized

As he traps her with dark eyes

A clever predator, He invokes devotion

For she’ll not catch herself

In the time before he makes the final motion

A finale of a lifetime;

An insignificance of a cursed existence

Happy Halloween!

Paying for your Past

This one is kinda dark, its hard to explain it... infer your own meaning.

“Paying for your Past”

Standing aimlessly by

While towers fall

Families cry

And victims crawl

The massacre plain to see

Still frozen in your tracks

Eyes perceiving blindly

No remorse, turn your back

Sever the ties that restrain you

Compassion weighs you down

They neglected through and through

Abandon this newly forsaken town

Let ashes stain skin

Carry the memoir

Until marks run thin

Then journey to begin again

Travel swiftly

Leaving traces as you pass

Each new place a lesson

Evolving with each tread on grass

Forget that city

They don’t deserve your pity

Destinations that mold who you are

Are more worthy by far

Try to reach the ocean

Crave a salty tongue

Let anticipation carry

A body on the run

Disappointment will kill

And hope, effaced, will cease

On the surface an oil spill

Engulfed in rancid seas

Lungs valiantly fight

Limbs flailing in the scum

Maybe this wasn’t right

Keep in sight the sun

Struggle for buoyancy

Gasp in accepted defeat

When a civilian wanders by

Looking heavily beat

This boy, he’s a stranger

No friend to you

Has his own wounds to mend

What would you have him do?

Desperate calls still cry

Rising in pitch and persistence

With the realization of a fear to die

Cursing the boy’s resistance

The reality is you’re drowning

Paying for your past

And with time you’ll be sinking

Ignorance finishes last

I never told you what to do

Do not place the blame on me

These commands were your own

You just needed your eyelids ripped open to see

My Closet

I wrote this a few years back, before I met my wonderful boyfriend Dean. It actually has nothing to do with clothes, this poem is a huge metaphor. Each garment of clothing represents a guy in my past that, for various reasons, didn't work out. I'm not sure how I wound up comparing guys to clothes haha but I ended up with a very symbolic and powerful poem. The last garment however; my red dress, wasn't supposed to be a boy. At the time I wrote this I was referring to being single and being myself, but I intended it to hopefully be the symbol of someone in the future who would treat me right. A few years later I met Dean and now whenever I read this I think of him as my red dress.

“My Closet”

Ready to launch the search, for a perfect outfit to wear on my hot date

I danced optimistically over to my closet door, and swung it open to begin my quest for fate

But before the eve of flirting and chemistry could take place

There was a menacing clothing dilemma, that tonight I would have to face

Upon surveying my wardrobe it was easy to see, it consisted of so many different styles

Some that I had yet to try on, and some that had suited me for only a short while

I grew out of my garments so quickly it seemed, or they came apart at the seams,

Or perhaps it was that they shrank in the wash and became unable to fit me

Pondering my numerous options, I sat myself down to recall

All the unfortunate mishaps previous ensemble decisions had installed

There was once a pair of bargain shoes I bought, unworn and brand new

I adored them after only a few outings, never suspected that trouble would brew

They matched every outfit I could wear, and with them, I could never see myself without 

But on a cold snowy day in January, we had ourselves quite the unexpected fallout

The shoes proved unreliable, when I was still walking and the straps suddenly ripped

I myself was totally unprepared for this, and immediately I tripped

I was hurled down to the ice-cold ground, and bruised considerably

But I missed the shoes and hoped there was a chance for our reunion some day

It was a futile hope I soon learned, during the long and perilous trek back home

That left my feet scarred, and my outlook on finding another such pair a sickening sort of syndrome

My sorrow from the loss of those lovely shoes was lifted temporarily

When I borrowed a pair of jeans form a friend who realized that on her, they were baggy

I was hesitant at first, but their sheer beauty tempted me to try on, and find them snug

After I did, I fell in love with the way within them my curves were hugged

When I slipped them on I felt so beautiful; on top of the world

Their ability to perfect my outfit’s package had me believing I was the luckiest girl

But as time went on I grew tired with the embroidered pattern on the pocket

And day by day rips started to form, small at first, then larger by the minute

I tried valiantly to sew them up, but their numbers became too plenty

Until I was left with no choice but to again solemnly give them away

Then while vacationing at the beach and sulking over their absence,

I was startled to come upon cute and enviable bracelets

With tags labeling them ‘For Charms’, as soon as I saw them I had to have one

And fished around in my wallet to meet the price of twenty-one

I came up with the change to allow me to purchase the gorgeous accessory that day

Then I wore it that very night, and for the duration of our stay

Becoming more and more excited to add charms to it once I returned

However, it was a short-lived expectation when I was inauspicious to learn

That I had mistaken the space in my suitcase, and left it behind in our hotel room

Sure it was nice, adorable, and refined, but I knew all along not to assume

That I would be able and willing to keep up with buying charms in the long run

Sitting and still speculating, an idea suddenly became apparent to me and won

I knew just the thing to wear; it resided in the front of my closet where it was always easy to reach

And sometimes when I wore it out, I developed the feeling it had a lesson to teach

My single favorite red dress, a familiar and comforting garb

It clung to my waist in a reassuring sort of way, and kept my inhibitions far

The cloth of which it was made, was soft, flowing and free

Not tripping my feet, restraining my limbs, or otherwise limiting me

I slid it on as if it were an extension of my own skin

And immediately felt my need for any new clothes run thin

This dress is the only thing I’ve found so far that always makes me feel so good

The very way that anything I put on my body should

My prom dress from 2011.
(I went with Dean... Isn't that kind of ironic?:) 

Still Falling in Love

This is a poem that I wrote for my boyfriend around our one year anniversary to remind him how much he means to me. It is short and sweet but I think that's what I love about it. In a lot of my work, I spend hours and even days rewording and perfecting my poetry, but when I write for Dean I just let it flow out of my heart and into my fingers. In fact, I'm pretty sure I wrote this on the back of a napkin on a slow day at work. It's amazing isn't it? The beautiful things that love can produce? :]




"Still Falling in Love"

I know that I probably tell you enough
But baby I'm helplessly, hopelessly, falling in love
Not to be misleading, for perhaps you thought that with this fall I was already finished and done,
For my heart is one thing that you have long since won
But darling this is not the case
My leap into your love is an eternal, endless race
It continues on into each and every day
As I find new reasons to love you in each and every way

And while I plummet on down, I welcome the heart-pounding rush of air

That envelops me every time I open my eyes and see you there

You tempted me to lean over the edge, yet my own nature led me to trip

And I went hurtling down, gaining speed with each soft caress of your lips

This is quite the drop, one I never expected to have found,
And one that grows terrifying at times, with my fear of hitting the ground
But the sensation is one I never intend to lose
The adrenalin of this free-fall is far better than any other thrill can induce
Just wait at the bottom my love, my best friend,
To catch me in your arms, and throw me down again.

Into the Octagon

My second degree blackbelt testing

Okay so if you've read my "about me" you know I'm an avid martial artist. I've been practicing, competing, and teaching taekwondo for about seven years so I love the sport of fighting, especially UFC (The Ultimate Fighting Championship). Although the point fighting style that I compete in is very different from UFC I can still appreciate fighting as a sport, and a passion, and not merely a violent form of entertainment that I'm sure many people will perceive it to be. You may have heard the phrase "Martial arts is a way of life" and this is something that you can really only understand if you're a part of it, but in my following poem I attempt to describe the feelings involved in a professional fight through the eyes of an ultimate fighter. (P.s. for those of you who know what I'm talking about, I'm a HUGE GSP fan!)

Georges St. Pierre kicking Matt Hughes <3

"Into the Octagon"

Your heart kindles and starts to pump

Throughout your veins, adrenalin flows

In cadence with each uproar it thumps

As the crowd eagerly awaits the show

Stepping onto the scale, anticipation peaks

Tendons flexing, can’t hold yourself still

After training so dedicatedly for weeks

Fists are geared for blood to spill

Prepared to do everything but kill

And with the realization

Of your opponent's intention

To do the very same

You step into the octagon

Fighting not for fame

But to prove to the world what you can do

After all that you have been put through

With the hands to maul

The legs to sweep

The skill to sprawl

And the wisdom to take a breath,

When you know you’re in too deep

Like coach always said

Every practice every brawl, even on his death bed

Never give up, Never give in

Within your core lies the power to win

Now you’re shaking hands

Neath the gaze of hundreds of fans

It’s more than a competition

Far more complex than a game

It is the reason you’ve found to thrive

And the passion to train

For this solitary moment

When you will finally feel alive

More acute and viciously aware

Than you’ve ever felt in your life

Now duck, dodge, and block his strikes

Keep in control, time it just right

Pinpoint your target, await your opening

With practiced precision take him down

Under your force he’ll surely drown

And you’ll take a few hits

But nothing too harsh to bear

Then struggle to keep him pinned

Knowing you’ll need energy to spare

Finally catch an arm

Bend it back until it breaks

Or at least until his will cracks

From the intense, ripping ache

After the entire brutal night

The slight tap on your thigh ends the fight

With vision gone blurry

You release in a hurry

To spring up and shout your victory

Ignoring the strength of heat

And sweat trickling down your body

In overjoyed revelation of the defeat

Follow Your Bliss

Just to get some poetry posted, I wanted to start off with one of my all time favorite poems that I wrote back in April of 2010. I was inspired by the tattoo of a marine I met in Virginia Beach that summer. I personally love tattoos, especially when they have meanings behind them, and this one was particularly interesting to me because of the immense amount of symbolism in the art. The image was that of a woman and a tree. The tree itself was made up of angry, scary, looking faces, yet the woman approached it with a single red rose in her grasp. A dark shadow followed close behind the woman, the silhouette identical to her own except for the fact that it had wings protruding from its back. Above the scene a full moon hovered with the words "Follow Your Bliss" inside. What was even more interesting to me was that the rose was the only color to be found in the entire piece, the rest was completely in black and white. This is how I interpreted it:



"Follow Your Bliss"

Lured by the man’s mysterious forest, she embarked on a perilous trek

Garbed in simple cloaks of sincerity, a pendent for luck hugging her neck

She had no means to achieve her goal, no specific or orderly plan

But she was determined and devout to reach the heart of this admirable man
Armed with the knowledge of the time it’d take, she patiently but relentlessly strived
Throughout the darkness and the light, never resting, even whilst the moon inhabited the sky
And the man, he wanted her just as fiercely, but hindered her frenzied search among the trees
As his demons emerged one by one to bring the girl defiantly to her knees
He with all his vices, was consumed by this dim world and left stranded in despair
Because the monsters that he’d let free had been released unwillingly, proving life unfair
Unknown to him and his agony, the woman’s will would not be so easily defeated
Not so long as she carried her last most powerful tool; a single rose so sweet and red
It was passion. It was love. The only luminous token to conquer the shadows that loomed over the pair
Calling forth fate with the wings to follow, and watch over their struggle with the wisdom to share
She feared the loss of what she so desperately desired, knowing that the quickest route was to expect him to stay
He feared the loss of what he so desperately required, and his own negative traits that could chase her away